do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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