i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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