fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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