wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
