hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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