im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
