But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
