No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
