he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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