dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
