We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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