I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
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So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
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Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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