Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
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