oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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