soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
