it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My ass is underappreciated
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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