got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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