it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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