He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
