If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
