He's been sleeping iwht ***
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now