my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.