thanks...oh and i got my period
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon