Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

Favorite
(206): View more from Washington

I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole

(425): View more from Washington

There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(206): I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole (425): There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian http://tfl.nu/pttl

Replies (98) Good night (2774) Bad night (24323)
Favorite
(702): View more from Nevada

chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate

(415): View more from California

i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(702): chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate (415): i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube http://tfl.nu/nhs2

Replies (8) Good night (2493) Bad night (762)
Favorite
(253): View more from Washington

oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.

(1-253): View more from Washington

I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(253): oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body. (1-253): I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate. http://tfl.nu/e4ca

Replies (71) Good night (5779) Bad night (711)
Favorite
(201): View more from New Jersey

It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(201): It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you. http://tfl.nu/kclk

Replies (26) Good night (1087) Bad night (4616)
Favorite
(647): View more from Ontario

btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(647): btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme http://tfl.nu/51hh

Replies (10) Good night (4038) Bad night (986)
Favorite
(508): View more from Massachusetts

the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(508): the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell. http://tfl.nu/o2wo

Replies (12) Good night (889) Bad night (6090)
Favorite
(614): View more from Ohio

I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(614): I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out. http://tfl.nu/60nc

Replies (12) Good night (1507) Bad night (4568)
Favorite
(605): View more from South Dakota

So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(605): So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever http://tfl.nu/ken4

Replies (16) Good night (3753) Bad night (1217)
Favorite
(586): View more from Michigan

If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(586): If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption http://tfl.nu/zznp

Replies (13) Good night (1507) Bad night (2128)
Favorite
(415): View more from California

He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(415): He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished http://tfl.nu/a96t

Replies (7) Good night (2549) Bad night (674)
Favorite
(703): View more from Virginia

This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(703): This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls http://tfl.nu/fkw5

Replies (2) Good night (603) Bad night (347)
Favorite
(206): View more from Washington

No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(206): No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you. http://tfl.nu/9dg7

Replies (2) Good night (1292) Bad night (385)
Favorite
(913): View more from Kansas

I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(913): I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis http://tfl.nu/drda

Replies (2) Good night (551) Bad night (305)
Favorite
(416): View more from Toronto

and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(416): and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation. http://tfl.nu/i67g

Replies (3) Good night (525) Bad night (707)
Favorite
(613): View more from Ontario

do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(613): do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills? http://tfl.nu/zrgo

Replies (3) Good night (368) Bad night (183)

Randomize

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard