He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
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he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
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She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.