cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
