Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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