Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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