my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
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He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
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Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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