First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Is it because I queefed?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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