so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
