Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
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Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
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I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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