I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
