Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door