I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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