Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.