You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
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I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
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I need a burrito and a hug.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up