i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision