TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.