I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
