Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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