I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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