how can u be prego again
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
