there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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