Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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