chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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