It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You're a waste of cheezeits
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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