we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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