I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
