The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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