took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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