every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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