I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
he had hair everywhere except his balls
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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