and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
