Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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