I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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