Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
