Only a mothe r could love this liver
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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