God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
