yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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