Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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