Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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