so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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