On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm drive I can fine osifer
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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