The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The adults are the big ones right?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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