I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Say something about gay babies.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
