All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
