do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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