Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
