Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My ass is underappreciated
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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