so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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