I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
