Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
