there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
