Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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