we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
