I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
