HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
