Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's official drugs can't kill me
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Life without a bra equals bliss.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
