New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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