happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
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